Understanding Medical Trauma and Healing from Chronic Illness
For many years, I experienced a troubling array of symptoms, including back pain, gastrointestinal issues, and severe fatigue. Various doctors provided different explanations. Some attributed my condition to hormones or inflammation and suggested steroids, while others thought anxiety was the culprit and prescribed Xanax. The core message was consistent: the issue lay in my reaction to the symptoms, not the symptoms themselves.
My health problems began at 14 with sudden, unexplained back pain. After years, the pain resolved on its own. At 25, a trip abroad left me seriously ill with sudden symptoms and no clear diagnosis. I was weak, exhausted, and barely able to function. Photos from that time show me as a pale, gaunt figure in stark contrast to my energetic self just weeks prior.
Over the next decade, I sought answers for my mysterious symptoms: extreme fatigue, weight gain, skin rashes, joint pain, and cognitive fog. My life became centered on medical appointments, tests, medications, and insurance battles. I tried stress management, including meditation and yoga, but achieved limited success. I persevered, wearing the resilience that comes with chronic illness.
I consulted specialist after specialist in search of answers. Some genuinely tried to help but found my case too complex. Others dismissed me, and some implied my symptoms were psychosomatic. A survey by Mira reveals that 72 percent of millennial women feel dismissed by doctors. Another survey by SHE Media reports that 71 percent have been told their symptoms were imagined. Deep down, I knew my symptoms were real.
By my 36th doctor’s visit, I was drained emotionally, physically, and financially. I expected the same dismissiveness, but instead, this doctor listened, conducted extensive tests, and diagnosed me with late-stage neurological Lyme disease. With a tailored treatment plan, including herbs and medications, my condition improved. Feeling validated was a relief I hadn’t experienced in years.
As my physical health improved, I encountered unexpected challenges. Friends and family saw improvement, yet I was masked by fear, anxiety, and grief. I mourned time lost and the erosion of my self-trust following years of invalidation from medical professionals and others.
One evening, my husband articulated my experience, calling it trauma. It explained my ongoing survival mode. Health isn’t just black-and-white; chronic illness often leaves you in between. Outwardly better but emotionally affected.
I called my experience “Medical Trauma Brain.” In sharing my story, many responded with, “I thought it was just me!” We seldom address the psychological impact of long-term illness or how to recover from it. It’s a second journey of learning to feel safe in your body, regulating your nervous system, and staying in the present.
Traditional talk therapy had limited impact, but trauma-focused therapy helped. Methods like cognitive behavior therapy, EMDR, and somatic experiencing helped reprogram my dysregulated nervous system. Healing is achievable. Today, I’m healthier and happier than ever, helping others navigate the space between illness and wellness.
Amy Kurtz is an advocate for patients and a Lyme disease survivor, sharing her journey in “But You Look Fine,” available June 9. The views expressed are her own. Have a personal essay for Newsweek? Email [email protected].