Overcoming Fear and Pain: A Mother’s Journey

Barb Barnes faced a significant challenge more than two decades ago when doctors informed her she needed open-heart surgery. The news wasn’t unexpected, as her health had deteriorated from vigorous mountain climbing to struggling with stairs. The operation was planned for the summer of 2005.

Leading up to the surgery, Barb prepared emotionally and logistically for the procedure, despite the anxiety of being a single mom to her only child. The fear of a negative outcome weighed heavily on her mind. Barb expressed her trust in the medical team but acknowledged the terror she felt. “It was open-heart surgery,” she said.

The surgery took place in a city hours away from home. The night before, Barb and her child stayed in a budget hotel, enjoying pizza and a movie, savoring what felt like precious time together. In the early morning, before the sun rose, she moved her child to a nearby relative’s room, burdened by the inability to completely comfort their fears.

Relief came with the surgeon’s encouraging post-operation news. Barb’s surgery succeeded beyond expectations, and she immediately felt improvements in energy and breathing after the anesthesia subsided.

The physical recovery process was intense, with her sternum and ribcage opened for the operation, resulting in significant pain. When a nurse suggested reducing opioid medication, Barb hesitated, fearing life without pain relief. “I was filled with terror,” Barb recalled. She initially declined to taper off the opioids, worried about the pain.

However, a nurse who had overcome her own opioid addiction approached Barb with empathy and concern. Holding Barb’s hand, she candidly shared her experience and encouraged Barb to differentiate between pain and fear. “I really don’t want that to happen to you,” the nurse advised, prompting Barb to recognize her fear of disability as separate from the physical pain.

With support from the nurse, Barb began reducing her medication, viewing pain as a strong sensation rather than a threat. This pivotal interaction shaped Barb’s future medical experiences, fostering meaningful relationships and independence. “She was willing to be right shoulder to shoulder with me,” Barb acknowledged, highlighting the nurse’s enduring impact.

Barb’s story emphasizes the significance of compassionate care and community support, offering insight into managing pain and fear. The experience led to profound life improvements, maintaining strong connections with family and friends and an ability to assist others.

The “My Unsung Hero” podcast shares similar inspiring stories every Tuesday. If you have a story of an unsung hero, consider sharing it with the Hidden Brain team by sending a voice memo to [email protected].