Building Resilience in Children: Expert Tips from a Psychotherapist

Many parents worry about their children’s ability to handle life’s difficulties. However, resilience does not develop overnight. According to a 2019 study published in Health Affairs, children are more likely to thrive with strong support systems and positive family relationships, even during challenging times.

Katie Rose, a psychotherapist based in Manhattan, shared insights with Newsweek on four strategies parents can use to foster resilience in their children.

1. Limit Your Child’s Choices

Giving children too much responsibility too early may overwhelm them. Rose explains that resilient children gradually develop confidence in solving problems.

“Resilient children develop confidence in their ability to solve problems over time,” she said.

Rose’s advice:

• For children ages 0-6, minimize unnecessary choices regarding toys, clothes, and activities to prevent overwhelm and build caregiver trust.
• For children ages 6-12, offer limited options, supporting them in thoughtful decision-making.
• For teenagers, transition to a consultant role, offering guidance while allowing them to take more ownership of their choices.
• Increase responsibility gradually as children gain confidence and decision-making skills.

2. Protect and Revere Childhood

Rose emphasizes that children develop resilience when they feel fundamentally safe.

“A calm nervous system supports curiosity, creativity, emotional regulation, and healthy risk-taking. Children burdened with adult concerns can experience unnecessary stress,” she explained.

Rose’s advice:

• Shield children from adult worries, constant news exposure, and complex issues they are not ready to understand.
• Communicate honestly, clearly, and in an age-appropriate manner.
• Listen more and avoid over-explaining or lecturing. Rose suggests using the acronym WAIT: “Why Am I Talking?”
• Reduce overscheduled routines and extracurricular activities.
• Leave time for rest, boredom, and unstructured play.

3. Connect Before You Correct

Children handle challenges better when their emotions are acknowledged rather than dismissed.

“We want our children to learn that difficult emotions are manageable, mistakes are repairable, and setbacks are part of growth,” said Rose.

Rose’s advice:

• Create a supportive home where children feel secure enough to take healthy risks.
• Acknowledge and name children’s emotions before offering solutions or corrections.
• Focus on helping children feel understood during difficult moments.
• Wait until emotions have settled before offering guidance or feedback.

4. Model Healthy Coping

Children learn resilience by observing how adults respond to challenges.

“Children learn far more from what we model than what we tell them,” Rose said. “When they consistently see healthy coping, flexible thinking, and self-compassion, they begin to internalize those skills.”

Rose’s advice:

• Ask open-ended questions like, “What do you think we could do next?” instead of immediately solving problems.
• Praise effort, persistence, and learning rather than only focusing on results.
• Demonstrate healthy stress management techniques, such as deep breathing and problem-solving.
• Show that mistakes can be acknowledged and repaired by apologizing when necessary.
• Model flexibility and self-compassion during difficult situations.

For further comments, Newsweek editors Charlotte Nisbet and Emma Lee-Sang can be contacted regarding this story.