Embryo Custody in the Wake of Divorce

Erin Millender faces a challenging situation that could be her last opportunity to become a mother. At 47, she had hoped to proceed with in vitro fertilization (IVF), but those plans have been disrupted. Her husband’s decision to retract consent halted her ability to use their embryos.

Caroline Kitchener delves into Millender’s personal story following a significant hearing in New York City. This involved a comprehensive review of legal documents, medical records, and communications related to the case.

Millender’s deep desire for motherhood led her to prepare well in advance. She chose a daycare and stored essential baby items like a Pack ’n Play at home. Her efforts included trying Chinese pregnancy teas and participating in fertility rituals in the Caribbean.

Approaching her mid-40s, Millender felt the urgency of time running out. Her past attempts with IVF had not succeeded, prompting her to give it another try.

“What’s a good day to come in?” Millender inquired when contacting the clinic in July 2023, aiming for embryo placement.

Unfortunately, a surprising setback occurred with her husband revoking consent. This action left the clinic unable to implant the embryo, effectively altering Millender’s familial prospects.

The doctor’s words were striking:

“We can’t move forward. Our hands are tied.”

Millender’s situation highlights an emerging legal and ethical issue affecting many who choose IVF. As this method of conception becomes more common, difficult questions arise concerning embryo custody before birth.

Left to navigate downtown Manhattan, Millender reflected on her husband’s recent mention of divorce. She initially viewed the discussion as a typical married couple’s hurdle, not a factor capable of dismantling her dreams of motherhood.